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Sometimes I get a little sad with the awareness that this time with Wil as this little baby will pass in what later will seem like the blink of an eye.
I had to soothe him to sleep tonight. Sometimes he just doesn’t want to go to bed. He’ll stir and fight sleep since he wants to stay awake and not miss a thing. So, I put the Celine Dione CD Miracle on and sat with him in his dark room and cuddled and rocked him to sleep.
It was so wonderful nuzzling my nose into his clean hair. I know I need to appreciate all this little moments because in a time not too far from now there’ll be moments when mom is so uncool and he’ll want nothing to do with cuddling and nuzzling 
Fall has arrived. Its my favorite season. The weather is perfect and the crisp mornings are unmatched in any other season. All the colors on the trees are beautiful. Its the breather before the harshness of winter.
Spring is too anticipated to be enjoyed as much as the fall and summer is just too damn hot and winter too damn cold! In the fall I can wear a dress with boots and look stylish, the Spring almost begs for sandals though it may still me too cold.
William is getting larger every day. It seems like each morning I go to pick him up he’s grown an inch overnight. He’s at a wonderful stage right now. His little personality shining through. He’s a sweet, friendly flirt. Ready to give a smile to anyone that acknowledges that he’s looking over at them.
He’s also such a boy! I gave him a toy squeeky giraffe to hold while he sat in his swing and he was slamming it against the swing for it to squeek. No fine motor skills, just brute force! Slam! I guess its an indication of the many things to come.
 Willoam
Man how time flies! He’s now a cooing, giggling, fun five month old that reactes to mommy and daddy. He’s no longer “the lump” as Peter used to call him.
It really is amazing how much they change. People warned us how fast it goes by and its so true. I’m glad I’ve been focusing on enjoying every moment I can with him.
Lately his thing has been grabbing at his feet and trying to get them to his mouth. I think that’s what’s been preoccupying him the last few nights. He’s been up in the middle of the night cooing and talking, its cute as heck but its also waking us up.
This morning I went to get him to get him his bottle. It was 6 am and he was laying there grabbing at his feet. I walked in and leaned over his crib and asked him if he was ready for his breakfast. He gave me a huge smile (melts my heart) and a little bit of a giggle. *sigh* he has mommy wrapped around his little finger already.
Today I turned 36. And the only birthday wishes I’ve gotten were from an automated card from one of my co-workers (it just sends birthday wishes automatically from some contact list he has), and one of my co-workers stopped by this morning to wish me a happy B-Day.
20 years ago I was getting ready for my sweet 16. Two-decades. Doesn’t feel that long ago yet at the same time I’m so far removed from that teenage girl. So far removed now from the self involved meeness of that age. I don’t think I had even a vague understanding of where my life would be today. I did know that I wanted to get the hell out of Puerto Rico, and that there was ot where I wanted to be. The possibilities were open, in my mind, of where I could go. There were no limits.
Over time, I did realize that there are limits as to what we can do, where we could go and who we could be. But, many of thos elimits become self imposed because of fear. I’m glad I chose the path I did. Life (or fate if that’s what you believe) stears us in certain ways.
And to take this full circle — there’s a reason why Samantha (Molly R. in Sixteen Candles) is meant to meet The Geek in the Automobile Shop classroom and why her family completely blows off her birthday. It eventually all leads to Jake driving up to the church and picking her up after her forgetful family leaves her behind.
Sometimes she just comes into my mind randomly. Usually its in the am as I leave for work or like right now in the evening when I’m sitting around in the living room.
In the morning she always would look up from her bed as I left out the door. A brief acknowledgment “oh, its not daddy, then I’m OK.” And in the evening she would lay in her bed and watch Peter and me. If one of us got up to go to the kitchen in her younger days she would get up and follow. Her paws clicking on the floor. As she got older she would lift her head and await the return. Her tail would wag and hit the wall if it was food, “oh, for me? Really, you didn’t have to bring food to me. But now that you have I’ll drool right over here until you give me some.”
Sometimes I forget what a huge part of our lives she was. We couldn’t make plans without considering Cookie first. Same with William but we can bring him everywhere with us, its a little different with a doggie. Because of this, though I want another dog I’m a little reluctant. There’ll never be another Cookie and the freedom of being dog free (and dog hair free) is kind of nice. Though I’d go back in a heartbeat to having the Cookie dog back — even with all the fur and slobber.
I get sad just writing this. Its hard to express what we felt for Cookie. People that haven’t been this close to a dog would never understand. She wasn’t just a pet, she was an integral part of our family. She was part of what held our family together. Now that she’s gone a lot of times I feel that little part missing.
I think she left at a good time as we transitioned to William. Had she left earlier it would have been much harder. Had she left a little later we would have felt the loss that William was just getting to make a friend.
I have to believe that things happen for a reason, and Cookie came into our lives for many. To teach us pure joy, love and loyalty. To just love being, and that sometimes happiness can be found in the simplest of things — like a tennis ball or rub behind the ear.
We’ll see you at the Rainbow Bridge old gal.
We were off to Lake George last weekend at Randy’s lake house. Thanks Randy!!! It was a great time. William enjoyed the ton of attention from Jen and Kathy and all of the North Jersey Jeep Club folks on Saturday night.
We left on Thursday night right after Will’s 6 pm feeding and treked our way north. It was an easy drive in (except for the almost heading to Boston part — how did we manage that???). Peter dropped me off and headed to the campground with Randy to meet up with his fellow Jeepers. Will and I did the smart thing and went to bed.
The next day bright and early Peter headed back to the campground to help with some more stuff. Not sure how much Jeep stuff there can be to do but I guess a lot. Then we went out to dinner at a nice restaurant on the lake. Took forever to get our food and they were very busy. Then off to the camground to go take care of more Jeep stuff. Luckily we went in two cars and Kathy, Jen and I headed back early leaving the boys to another late night at the campground.
They were up again early on Saturday for another day of wheeling for the guys while we stayed at the house and did absolutely nothing all day. IT WAS GREAT! The most we did was a little Wii Fit in the afternoon and then back to the campground for a little BBQ and party. Jen and Kathy had to leave early for their ride back to NJ
It was a nice change of pace and we all slept a little more than usual — except for Peter who decided to be up until 2 am every night we were there. Its great to get a nice change from the same old of every day. It makes you appreciate things a little more. It was great being away from home but nothing beats the comfort of it. We were all beat when we got back last night. William zonked out after 1/2 hour of crankiness from being so tired. He’s definitely hit a routine that we need to be careful not to break too much. Saturday night was rough since we were out late by the fire and the music was loud. Poor kid was having a hard time staying asleep. Made me cranky too!!!
We’re trying to avoid having our lives change too much but I guess there are places we need to sacrifice and think of him a little more. I’m sure when he’s older he’l enjoy the lake a lot more. Right now, though, I still want to expose him to stuff. I’d hate for him to be one of those clingy whiney kids that always has to grab onto momma.
Note to self: no more well water for William. That’s something we don’t need to expose him more to. I had pleanty of poopy diapers in one day (Saturday) to last a week!!!
I heard this song on my drive in from work today and actually listened to the lyrics. I got all teary eyed. It really does express a lot of the emotions of becoming a parent.
With Arms Wide Open (Creed)
Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Well I don’t know if I’m ready
To be the man I have to be
I’ll take a breath, I’ll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we’ve created life
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything …oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open
[Guitar Break]
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open…
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open….wide open
I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend. A time to just be and hang out. Peter will be focused on wheeling, I’ll be focused on relaxing.
Had a conversation earlier that reminded me of the book the art of happiness. I should dust it off and give it a read again. Sometimes we forget how easy it is to be happy and we make it out to be a complicated thing!
I started thinking of all the jobs I’ve had since I started working at age 16. I guess expirience is good (or maybe not?):
1990 - Summer Day Camp Counselor
1991 - Painted light posts along town (Cidra)
1991 - Cafeteria in College (Swiping ID Cards, Serving Foods, Dish Room–YUCK)
1991 - Carrier Dome Concessions — Beer Stand
Winter 1991/ 92 - Temp work prepping valentines catalog for mailing for an importer in NYC
1992 - Carrier Dome Consessions — Supervisor of Beer Stand (moving up in the world!)
Summer 1992 - Door to Door Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Sales, New York City Tax Collections Mail Room - Mail Sorter
1993 - Food Services Supervisor (now at the food court — learned the inner workings of: KFC, Taco Bell, Dunkin Donuts, Burger King, Jreks Subs, Haagen Daaz)
Summer 1993 - One week at McD’s (that was enough), Parking Garage attendant
1994 - English Teacher
1995 - Medical Billing
1996 - Back to Carrier Dome and also Residential Security Aid
Summer 2007 - Hotel Front Desk Clerk
1997 - 2000 Carrier Dome Box Office Assistant
Then my real jobs started:
2000 - 2004 — IT Developer and BSA
2004 - 2006 — BSA
2006 - Now — Business Consultant / Manager
19 different Jobs in as many years. Wow!
I guess that before we had William I wasn’t as aware of time passing. Maybe a few more grey hairs but as adults we don’t change as quickly.
Then there’s Will, every day he seems to grow another inch, every day there seems to be another development. Like today he finally figured how to roll onto his belly from his back. Now if he could only figure out how to get from his belly back to his back! It seems like every few days he discovers something new and grows an inch or so more. To think we were all this small once.
I see the other kids in daycare when I go to pick him up and realize that soon he’ll be as big as them. He won’t be my little nugget for too long. Some day he’ll go on his own and do his own thing. He’s a gauge of passing time.
This reminds me to live every moment that I’m with him and be as present as much as I possibly can.
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